On the basis that you always need a great title before you actually write the book...
"The wretched thing used to wander into the breezeway and start nibbling plants! After the unfortunate episode on the car ride [pictured, cartoon from "The Message" circa 1978, when turkey held onto roofrack for drive into town... it fell off past the dump and the Merrills phoned us to say it was in their bathtub...] it (the turkey) never really recovered and did not survive to grace the Thanksgiving table. At least I made it into the local paper."
